I want more, so I need more

The more I have, the more I want.
The newest, latest, devices & gadgets haunt.
Everytime, I feel, "Yes! This is the thing!
That will make my life easier, happier and get my jobs done in a wink."

On an impulse, I buy the stuff.
Dreaming of the luxury in the life after.
The product arrives,
With no bounds to my joys.

The beauty unravels before
My very eyes.
The novelty fades,
And expectations die.

This wasn't such a great idea
After all, I think.
Never mind, sometimes we make
The wrong decisions.

I'll be more careful next time
And not waste a penny or dime.
Oh but just look at that new thing!
Don't you think it's fascinating?

This looks truly commendable
So practical and functional!
It is an investment and not an expense
I convince myself to go ahead and spend.

What I do not realise at all
Is the vicious cycle that goes on and on.
Getting more things and spending more money
Takes me nowhere, honey!

Keep it simple and keep it straight.
The easier I go, the lesser the weight
Of piling stuff and rising expenses
That only multiply my tensions.

The good old broom and old towel for the mop
My easy washing machine and the old gas stove
Serve their purpose well and don't cost me a fortune
Neither to purchase nor to maintain!

So does the phone I took a year ago
And the TV set that will anyway have my shows
I don't need GBs on wifi either
Mobile data is doing much better!

I know the story gets too long,
But my dear friend, do hear me out!
Before you spend even a penny,
Ask yourself do you REALLY NEED it?

Death

Fear grips my heart
I know not, what the future holds,
Whether this is the end
Or the start.

Death, they say, is inevitable.
Then why does it scare us?
Why it causes all the misery & despair?
Or threaten to turn memories into fables?

As time ticks, the body melts away,
Bit by bit, towards what, know none.
We run and run and run.
Nonetheless, there is no escape.

One day you know
You too are old
'Cause all who saw your childhood
Are gone.

And you're still stuck
In the same rut
Which was left behind
By those whom death struck.

Wonder why then
We make plans
Thinking 'Someday I shall...'
Because someday has no definition.

Why is it so difficult
To live in the moment?
To do today what we plan for later?
To simply be a child, and not an adult?

What is STOPPING you from getting RICH?

This morning, I went through an Instagram post by the channel Beerbiceps.

Before you assume, this is not about beer at all. Beerbiceps is a motivating and inspiring channel for the youth and adults alike, by a lively youngster Ranveer Allahabadia. I highly recommend it.

They showed a graphic that looked something like this:

I found this quite interesting. Yesterday, I was having a conversation with someone about why some people remain at the same financial level despite seeming to work constantly. Some of the insights we gained are as follows (and they are in sync with Beerbiceps):

Lack of enthusiasm
Some people just don't have the drive for it. They don't have the enthusiasm to go for it; they don't love what they do or don't do what they love. Or they do not remotely like what they do. Or they just do not have any motivation to earn. They do not have the do or die spirit. And that is an absolute must if you really wish to make it big. You just cannot do without the hunger to achieve.

Making the same errors
They make the same mistakes over and over again. Somehow they do not realize that they need to look at things differently and take a different approach. It is possible that the pressure of earning does not let them think clearly. Just stop, think, rethink, and plan differently. Have a plan B if A is not working, and C if B doesn't work either. But keep thinking.

Self pity and pressure
There, I see you smirk. Self pity is not going to help you in anyway. From a lot of books that I read, most speakers say that if you have nothing to lose, you're already in a great place! So if you're not rich, you don't have anything that you need to give up. So why not try? If you are not in debt, you're already a part of the few happy people of the millions who live in utter poverty or are deep in debt. Buckle up, and be a go-getter. Nothing can get worse, but it can only get better and better from here.

I understand that family and society pressure can blur your view. Do not make it your focus, but look at it from a distance. Your center of attention should be your dream, nothing else. Believe in it and it will happen.

Get-rich-quick
Who doesn't want to get rich overnight? Sadly, the world doesn't work this way. To earn something as well as make it last, there is no shortcut. You have to strive to reach the peak. You must work towards it. Even if, for some reason, you make an achievement without any diligence, it will be temporary. You're bound to have a relapse. Plan, focus, and pursue your goal relentlessly.

Waiting for the right opportunity
"I will take up a job that pays me 25000 or more only."
"This is not of my stature."
"I am not so interested in something like this."

Well, our stomachs can't survive on dreams and thoughts. So while you want to wait  drefor that dream opportunity, do not kick one that can provide you financial stability and make you last while you work towards your goal.

Work smarter and not just harder
Having put the previous point, I want to stress on the fact that just working aimlessly will get you nowhere. Chalk out a plan. Say, five years from now where do you see yourself? What do you need to do to get there? What are the steps you need to take on a yearly/monthly/weekly/daily basis to attain your goal? Ponder over it, it is worth it. Even a donkey works hard all its life, but gets nowhere. So have a plan.

Know it all...
Just because you have a certain academic qualification, specific experience, etc, you think you're an expert and you do not need to learn anything more. That is the biggest flaw. Remember, learning never ends. It is an infinite process. As long as we live, it is important to be open to explore, acknowledge and learn of new avenues, discoveries and technology. Everything is inter-connected. Twenty years ago, who would have thought of wholesalers and retailers of everything in one place, and yet, today we have Alibaba, Amazon and numerous other online shopping sites, don't we?

Similarly, it is important to keep your eyes and ears open, listen to the experiences of people, how they overcame their problems, what motivated them, and so on. You never know when what might turn out to be useful for you.

A disclaimer: This is not an all-inclusive guide, but a few pointers as to where you might be going wrong. Even if you're able to follow all of these, it will make a lot of difference in your life. Does it work for you? Do tell!

~ It hurts ~

It hurts when you still cannot understand me

It hurts when you still need to be told what I need.

It hurts when you, after all the effort that I have put in for you, don't know, or rather don't choose to know, what I expect from you.

It hurts when day after day, month after month, year after year, you make me feel stale.

It hurts when you know all that you do wrong, and yet wish to continue.

It hurts when no matter what I say, do, or wish, no longer matters to you.

It hurts when you are lost in your own different world.

It hurts when I realize that we do not belong to the same world anymore.

It hurts that you know it, but you are too busy to care.

It hurts that the perfect understanding just went haywire, and I didn't realize when or how.

It hurts, hurts more and then a lot more.

It hurts that it's too late, I guess, to recover what is lost.

Because I was too busy being the perfectly understanding one, 

I did not notice when you started overpowering my entire existence, and the whole essence of me was completely lost.

My fifty cents - Do you have the courage to start living?

I had started reading the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" by Mark Manson around six months ago. I do not know what made me prolong reading this book, but I couldn't find it as compelling when reading the first half. Then I downloaded the application Storytel to try audio books and continued with this book. And bam! It hit off quite well. I think this one sounded better in audio.

Anyway, I am not here to promote audio books tonight. It was quite interesting listening to the second half and I learnt a few lessons from it.

Do not live like you will never die

We live as if we are never going to die. Now this may sound quite cliched, but hey, wait a bit. Everyone says live everyday as if it were your last. I am not saying that here. I am saying, remember life is nothing, really. Death, when it comes, can come to anybody, any day, any way. So why are we afraid of failures, rejections, or trying? Life is nothing but a collection of moments, and living is just that, being alive. Why do we place so much emphasis on not making mistakes, always being right, always planning perfect, or being afraid of commitments, or saying no, or looking great, or being the best always?

Go out there, and do just what you want to do and just how you want to be. Everyone is unique, and there is no use trying to be someone else. I am not saying do not be inspired or idolize anybody. But don't regret not being the same! Focus on what you can do best and go ahead. People will criticize and condemn, but as long as you're true to yourself, nothing should matter.

Have boundaries and honesty in relationships

The second important lesson, be honest and have boundaries in your relationships. This holds true for any relationship in your life, not just romantic. There is no point in a relation if you cannot be honest with each other. You aren't doing justice to either person this way. Love cannot be superfluous. Just because X will feel hurt if you say he/she isn't looking good - so you lie that they look good, and just imagine they get to know - it's worse. This was just an example, but there could be bigger things. When you speak the truth, it maybe hard initially, and there maybe a few difficult moments, but that is that. You never have to be afraid of being caught! And you need not pretend, or remember to pretend.

Please don't go out with your friends, I feel insecure OR You are responsible for my failure OR You will not do so-and-so if you love me are all statements of - sorry to say - losers. A great relationship is only possible if you have your freedom, space and you can be who you are and not someone else to please your partner (or anybody - parents, siblings, friends). You don't need to be able to prove things always - and yes, you need to keep up the trust too. Again, if you're stuck to the wrong kind of people, when you know it, what is stopping you from getting out of such a relationship? Yes, it is hard, but then every great and right thing in life is hard to achieve. You need to make up your mind, and just to look good or prove to the world that you can have a solid relationship, it is not worth it to be miserable all your life. Take your decisions, know what you really want, and don't be afraid. There are some boundaries too in every relationship. Be clear about those. There are certain things we can never compromise upon, like being respected, or being able to decide for ourselves, and so on. Let no relationship dictate terms to you, or it will stifle you someday.

So yes, it went on a bit too long, but you get the drift? I hope this helps you. I will share more in later posts as I discover more. Tell me what you think!

Take care.

How I Gained Weight

What is so difficult about gaining weight? Just eat a lot - junk or healthy - and add to your weight. But I beg to differ!

While I write this, I stand at 52 kg and a few more grams. I have always been the slim and petite types. When I got married, I weighed around 43 kg. Everyone is slim during their wedding, what's new? I maintained an average of 45 kilos even after two children and for almost ten years post wedding. Then I started gaining weight. And how did that happen? Anti-depressants. In short, my medication for depression.

I have been gaining weight slowly over the past few months (or shall I say rapidly!). The impact of it struck me only in the past few weeks. The dresses and blouses I wore since college fitted me till I turned 32! And suddenly all the mechanics changed.

Now whenever I took a dress out to wear, it didn't fit well, and unlike before when generally most were loose, turns out now they were tight, or too tight. Not only tops, but the bottoms too! Pants, Churidars, Jeans, Trousers, heck, what DO I WEAR! I felt like

From XS, I had to move to M. One fine day, my daughter looks at my legs and tells me, mamma, you've got elephant legs! And the "well-meaning" visitors and relatives give me a lecherous look and say"You look nice now, you should maintain this weight." And I was like

You know what I mean. One of the building aunties said "See, now you know what troubles we have while getting dressed! Nothing fits or looks good." How considerate. This lesson was so important for me to know troubles faced by obese or let's say imperfectly-shaped people. Wow.

Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that I would get bulky. My BMI says my weight is perfect, of course. But then BMI cannot track your proportions or curves, so it really doesn't count for me. I also realize that the last few extra kilos are making me tired and lethargic, and reminded me that I have also been skipping my walks for whatsoever reasons.

So here I am, from being underweight, to having lot of extra fat and weight in all the wrong proportions (almost 10 kgs!), and yes mommies, I do know how it feels 😐. So I have made a new mission, of getting back in shape. My primary concern is being fit. I need to 

• walk five days a week, 8000 steps per day
• do all the relevant exercises at least for 10 minutes per day, again 5 days a week
• keep track of my weight and measurements once every week.

So here goes. If any of you are facing the same issues and want to make this your focus too, let's do it together! Comment below or tell me personally through email/message. The more, the merrier! All the best to us.

Take care.

PS: Did I tell you my doctor has reduced yet another tablet from my medication? No? Well, yes, he did. He also said I am doing very well. So another milestone crossed there!😊

~ Be careful ~

Be careful how you treat a woman
Be careful of the promises you make
Beware how you fulfil those
Because her heart is easy to break.

Be kind. Be compassionate.
Be empathetic. Be understanding.
Listen, listen, simply listen.
Just let her be, without judging.

She is already juggling with
Manifold roles and responsibilities.
That nobody knows who has placed,
Yet, she has to bear the brunt of these.

A mistake here, a taunt there,
Tiny sacrifices every other day.
Still no appreciation or praise,
Bit by bit, kills her away.

Hypocrisy, she hates the most
Say what you do, do what you say.
Big words may get you fame outside,
But what you do at home, gives you away.

So be honest, my dear friend,
With all the promises you make.
It will decide if your chosen one,
Will love you or hate.

How to manage your bills the smart way

On a busy weekday I had to visit the school to collect stationery kits. I had to carry the school fee receipts along and could not remember where I had kept them. It took ten minutes of irritation and fumbling to find the receipts in a mass of bills of clothes, groceries, milk, newspaper, and so on. This has happened multiple times and finally I made up my mind to come up with a simple way to manage these bills and small documents without getting worked up or wasting too much time.

Managing bills has been a brain racker for me since I got married and started paying them. Finally I figured out how to do it in a systematic yet quick and easy way. I will make this a quick how-to! So here goes:

1. Get yourself a simple folder with divisions (at least 8), something like the picture is very easy to use. I bought this one from Club Factory online.

2. Now take Post-it notes and start labeling them as given below:

Monthly bills - paid (which arise every month - Milk, Newspaper, Ironing, Groceries, etc.)

Monthly bills - Yet to pay (same as above)

Temporary bills (To dispose within a few days, like clothes or any small products bills, say cushions or vase or medicines, in case you need to exchange any in a short period of time)

Long term bills (With Warranty or guarantee cards, school fee receipts for the year, etc that need to be stored from 6 months to 2 years)

Tax related or To be filed (insurance, PPF receipts, bank deposit receipts, cancelled cheques etc)

Photos (passport or stamp size that we never find when we need and end up getting more and more of them. Tell me if it happens with you too!)

Miscellaneous (incoming mail, invites, empty envelopes, etc)

3. That's it you are done!

I keep this folder handy at my desk so that any time I have a bill in hand I can quickly put it in place without the hassle of thinking, searching and then keeping it in the right place. I get rid of all the temporary bills in a few weeks, and the receipts to be filed are put in place as I find time or the need arises. This way, I do not lose any important papers and find them immediately when I need them. It also helps to keep a track of all your expenses when you wonder where did your money go! (does this happen to you as well?)

Of course, you can alter the headings according to your need and add or remove sections if required. Do try this method and let me know if it works for you!

Take care!

I love my India

What do we do when people go driving at 40 kmph? Make more speedbreakers!

Yes, that’s what we do. How dare they try to go beyond their limits. Do they not understand it is difficult to build smooth roads, let alone maintain them? There are highways to drive faster, and you can always cross lanes, no? If you’re wondering what are lanes, well, let’s forget all about it.

If we keep speeding up, what will be the use of brake lights? It is important to be considerate towards all industries. Okay, sometimes autos or trucks or buses have faulty brake lights and you might just be at the verge of a big crash, but then mistakes do happen, no matter big or small.

More than once we see people coming over from the wrong side. This is what happens when you block the traffic. So what if there is traffic ahead of you, you should give wings to your vehicle or better buy a helicopter! The scooter guy honking away to glory behind you has important work to do, nevertheless you may just be loitering around.

The car driver behind the scooter has even more important work to be done. So what if he is hired as a driver for a Mercedes, it does hold huge value (the Mercedes, man!), doesn’t it? Has anyone let you drive their Mercedes, for god’s sake!

I have heard that they use horns very sparingly in other developed/developing countries. How foolish and inconsiderate! Again, how will the horns breakdown if we do not use them and how will the industry survive? It is like tobacco, see? We will put the most gruesome picture on the box, but we will not stop mass production and marketing of tobacco, because, after all, industry should survive.

In India, in fact, honking is a way of greeting (oops cursing) each other.

Aye bhai, jaldi jaa na.

 S***a beech mein khada hai na jaata hai na jaane deta hai.

Isko kuch kaam dhanda nahi lagta hai.

Signal laal hai to kya, ek second mein nikal jayenge, kiske paas time hai!

And so on. See the love? If not for the breaking speeds, honking horns, screeching brakes, would you even look at your driving counterparts on the road? No way! And here we are having a lot of mental (and often actual) conversations with them.

No wonder someone said, Ye mera India, I love my India (Amrish Puri in Pardes; so what if he gave his daughter away to an NRI in the movie).

All businesses can thrive here. From the roadside stalls to the hypermarket in the mall, from the local theatre to the multiplexes, from the cutting chaiwalas to the cool cafes, from the three BHKs to 6 by 6 feet kholis (small mud houses), all income groups, all sorts of businesses, all religions, all kinds of people, can survive in this country.

Yeah, we will still spit on the roads, throw garbage out of the balcony and urinate on the roads, but when we go abroad, mera desh mahaan! Of course, foreign countries (read developed) are cleaner, more beautiful, more strict and nice to visit and we will follow all their rules. Our country – in spite of its rich culture, beauty, traditions, people, arts – is rotten in our minds, because we the people, make it so.

So the next time you throw garbage anywhere, bribe that official to get your work done, bribe the traffic police, honk at your fellow traveller, break traffic rules, don't pay taxes or tell yourself itna to chalega (this is okay), remember, it is your country and it represents what you did to it. It is not the government, not the employees, not the corrupt officials, but just you. If I cannot change, how can I expect the country to change?

Jai Hind!

How to deal with CRITICISM?

Well, I've been slightly put off. Someone criticized me and I was like "Hey, what do you even know about me!" in my mind. Somewhere I guess that got stuck. Subconsciously I fed into my mind that maybe I am not so good at what I do.

Maybe I am taking it too far.
Maybe that person was right.
Then my sensible brain tried to pitch in, "Look, you could try to get some sense out of it and try to get better," to which my angry side responded "Get lost."

Yeah, we all have been through it sometime. Since then I have been wondering bitterly, WHY. Not about why the person condemned me, but what is the purpose of this whole thing. Of me doing what I want and why?

It took quite some reading and random screen time (no TV for me, I am addicted to Skillshare now) to ponder over it. Too much importance. We give too much importance to ourselves, Mark Manson says in his book "The Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck."

Just to think of it, whenever any incident sparks our anger or triggers us, think, will this matter five or ten years later? And you'll find your anger melting away. This also does not mean I am amazing and excellent at everything and I need no advice, or I am going to dramatically change the world by doing what I do, or become the next Prime Minister (meh!). Remember the Hindi song, Kuchh to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna (People will always say something, it is their work to talk), and I marvel at the person who wrote it (Anand Bakshi), because it holds true for time immemorial.

Cutting the long story short, as long as you believe you're doing something meaningful and like doing it, it is worth it. If you make even one person smile or change perspective in a positive way, or add meaning to their life, it is still worth it. People will talk. They will ridicule and criticize you. They may think you are worthless. But never give up. Believe in yourself. Test your limits. Test the waters. Go beyond the ordinary. Keep trying until life sucks everything out of you.

Don't bother. When you die, you will be content, you will never regret, because you TRIED. Some people spend their entire life trying to find their purpose, some constantly try to find faults with others, and some just go with the flow without ever thinking over their life. So you see, only people with purpose and passion struggle and get somewhere. People who do things differently are always criticized.

So the next time you are criticized, take it as a compliment and move on. There is more to your life than a criticism.

My FAVORITE FIVE Indian YouTube channels About Home Decor, Organisation and more!

As a home maker, I am always trying to do things in a way that I can get more done in less time as well as efficiently. This is what led me to explore a lot of Indian YouTube channels. I was not disappointed. 

Off late, a lot of female YouTubers have come up with great content for Indian homemakers, both working as well as SAHMs (Stay At Home Moms). These tips and tricks will be useful for any woman, or even men who manage or are interested in managing and decorating their home efficiently.

I will list out a few channels here. Do try these out and tell me if you like them!

1. Simplify Your Space

This channel is managed by a Bangalore based homemaker, who is extremely professional in her videos. 

Home organizing, Time management, Goal achieving, Budgeting are only a few of the topics covered by the channel. 

My personal favorite is their video on Document Organisation and Digital media organisation that are simply fantastic and rarely covered by anyone. Apart from this, they also have some great motivating and inspiring videos. Another very popular video you will find here is Work from home options for moms.

2. Home Hashtag Life by Jaya

A Hyderabad based homemaker who is very creative and has exceptional talent in home decor. 

Look no further than her channel if you are confused about how to decorate which space without spending a fortune and how to organize the smallest of spaces. If you thought that a small home is a hurdle in home organization and beautification, this channel will change your outlook completely. 

I especially like the way they've done up the decor of their new house which is not huge, but done up very beautifully. Don't believe me, go check out Jaya's channel.

3. Slick and Natty

A talented woman in Pune is a treasure trove on recycling and DIYs. 

How to make a denim backpack out of old jeans, a palazzo out of an old saree, convert men's shirts into a dungaree (Whhatttt? Yes!) and all such amazing DIYs are aplenty in this channel. 

She has a collection of product reviews, but not the typical products (e.g. she has review of a washing machine for bachelors or tiny family!), home hacks, lifestyle related videos, skin and hair care videos and so on. 

I never cease to be at awe of her talent! Go dive into the creative space. She also has a Telugu and Hindi channel.

4. Saloni Srivastava

Recipes, Finance, Mutual Funds, productivity and self growth videos make her stand out from the other YouTubers.

If it's relating to money, you will find quite a lot of gyan here. She also occasionally shares learnings from the books she reads. 

Some popular topics that are taking the world by storm, like Minimalism, Essentialism, Side hustle and so on are discussed in her videos. 

Don't get me wrong, her videos are not complicated at all. In fact, she makes all the toughest topics easy to grasp. She is as natural and simple as the girl next door, and you will relate to her quite easily. 

5. Disha Mishra Dubey

If you're interested in more detailed home decor DIYs, this channel is your go-to. 

It has ideas on wall painting, color combinations to use, different traditional art paintings like Pattachitra, Madhubani, Kalamkari, Kalighat, Warli and a number of DIYs. 

Immaculate effort goes in creating some beautiful pieces but one look at the finished piece tells us that all the patience and effort was worth it! 

I personally have learnt to respect and adore the Indian art forms by following this channel, and not give them a passing in awe of western art forms. No, not all the DIYs are difficult and time consuming. In fact, you should give them a try along with your kids and introduce them to these art forms too.

I will end my rat-a-tat here. Other than these, you can also try Garden Up, Her Fab Way and Bowerspace channels on YouTube. 

I hope this list turns out to be useful for you. Let me know in the comments below how you find these channels!

Take care

My Yippee Moment :)

I am in the party mode today. Nope, it's not my birthday, or wedding anniversary, or any other birthday or anniversary for that matter. (Just for the record, I do not celebrate or even remember Valentine's or the first time we saw each other or the first time we spoke to each other and such days).

Did I get an award? Nah, that's far yet. So what happened is...

I met my psychiatrist today for the usual appointment. He said You're doing very well, brilliant progress. I will reduce one of your medicines to half the dose and see how it goes. And that was my yippee moment! I could dance in joy right then (not literally, of course, but in my head I did leap!). I felt this happy last when I scored 92% in my twelfth standard (maybe I am showing off, maybe not).

I almost felt like I've passed a big examination. Just that this is an examination of life itself. It feels great because I have been feeling I am dependent on medicines. But this little achievement makes me believe that it is possible to become independent. The doctor also said But continue being engaged and doing what you're doing, or it may relapse.

So what have I been doing? A lot of things, but the important ones would be walking, listening to music, reading (a lot - almost 4 books or more a month), blogging, pursuing online courses, and preparing for my book.

So yes, I owe a lot to you all, who have read and liked my written word and motivated me to work harder. A heartfelt thank you to you guys! (and girls and men and women, that's kind of obvious)

This is just the stepping stone though. By the time I finish my book, I want to get off medication completely. This is going to be my primary target.

Another question that I get asked often is why write a book on depression? There are too many already!

I would say yes, there are too many, but I am writing a go-to guide. In this, I will share

• my own story
• what exactly is depression
• how do you identify if you are under depression
• what do you do about it, other than consulting the specialists, and
• more reference material in case you want to study things in detail.
• all this will be in an 

1. easy to understand layout and 
2. simple divisions with 
3. concise descriptions.

I understand that people do not have the time to go through pages and pages of reference material, even if it is for gaining knowledge. And depression is something that needs a lot of awareness right now. My aim here is to make an easily understandable and quick to read book that will not take up too much of your brain or time. 

Once again, thank you all for being my audience, it means a lot!

Take care

The Civil Caveman

Ever heard of this term before? No? Well, you would have definitely seen him. You will find him (or her) in big cities or small towns, single or married, living alone or with a roommate, in rooms or homes or PGs or hostels, but you cannot escape him.

This civil caveman is civil because he lives in a civilized society. He wears civic attire, behaves in a civil manner, talks and walks like most normal humans. But what is it that makes him a caveman? Not too difficult to guess, I am sure.

So it was this once that I walked into a civil caveman's house, and thank god, I was miraculously saved from falling on the super smooth floor. No, it was not shampooed or conditioned, but it was the constant rain of talcum powder that made it slippery in spite of being dry. There was more to come.

As I struggled for support, I remember my hands getting all muddy, obviously because the house wasn't dusted in ages. There was layers of dust everywhere as far as eyes could go. BUT there were clean spots, of course! Like the place where the wallet and belt were placed, or the towel was hung, or where drinking water was kept, of course, because they were touched and used everyday.





When my eyes ventured further into what seemed of more of a cave, I saw a pile of dirty clothes. Another line of clothes hung up on a rope. A few socks lying about. A glass here, a spoon there. I could not open the door to the bathroom completely, because I think something was stuck behind the door. I did see everything necessary was available there (necessary for a caveman, that is): soap, tumbler and bucket, strewn about and crying to have a home somewhere in that lonely (lowly?) bathroom. The floor looked like it had not been wiped in a few years and the entire bathroom craved for what the different cleaners claimed in adverts, and I was sharp enough to not dare walk into it.

Then I found a TV! The civil caveman's sole and dear respite from the world! It was right opposite to a mattress that was never folded and whose bed sheet cried for mercy to meet dear detergent and see some sun! The window remained permanently closed, for safety purposes (not lazy purposes, you bet). So the cave was always safe, you see.

The house was stuffy, smelly, dirty... Oops, I meant the "cave" was dark, lonely, dusty, cobwebby, slippery, murky, messy... You know? Bingo! Now you realize, you have definitely seen the civil caveman somewhere! Or cavemen. Or you probably are one. Or probably not...

Take care

Answer the survey and win! - Closed

Please answer the survey here relating to my blog and get a chance to win a prize as well! Remember to mention your Email ID and also share this page and survey with as many people as you can. The winner will be chosen on the basis of completeness and precision of information in answering the survey.

The last day for submission is 20 May 2019.

Hurry up! Click here now.

PS: Congratulations Vicky Jain for getting maximum people answer the survey!
Thanks to everyone who answered and be assured that I will take all your opinions into consideration for future posts.
Thanks again :)

Feminism gone all wrong

Feminism has become the "in thing." Don't get me wrong here, I call myself a feminist too. But there are different meanings as to how it is perceived by different people. What I see in my place is very distorted version of feminism. How?

Women(some I mean) claim that when men can drink, why can't we? When men can smoke, why can't we? When men can sleep around, why can't we? When men can jump in a well... You get the drift?

So I am just a little confused as to what are we aspiring for? Is it stooping low to the maximum extent men can, or reaching for the highs that men can? Or does it mean carrying our own bags and burdens? Or being gentlemanly (gentle womanly? So queer!)? How do we actually define it? Working late hours into the night? Or spending weekends drinking with the girl gang? 

Why are we mixing up individual ideals with gender? If I were to trade giving up on my ideals and being one on one with a man, I would choose to live with my ideals, any given day! Not to say women are any inferior, nope! I think women are generally smarter, more patient, multi taskers, great managers, more efficient & focused and emotionally stronger in the larger context. In fact, men are most attracted to smart women (I am not talking about lewd sexist men, but real, intelligent men!). 

So when we talk about "equality," what we should be aspiring for is all the positives, like being the breadwinner of the family, a hard worker, putting everyone else's need in the family first, think of the family as a whole and not just about your own self, love the kids even if they are all over you after a hard day, making time for your spouse even if you're tired... The list goes on.

Sounds too boring and cliched? Yes, because this is real life and not all is hunky dory. Men and women have their own roles to play and each have their own difficulties. Not that any one role is superior to the other, but gauging ourselves from the vices of the opposite gender is not the right way to go about feminism or equality.

Follow the harder route and do the best of what men can do, and we can easily be shoulder to shoulder with them, not by copying or comparing with their ill behavior. In fact, we already are on par with them.

As far as my thinking goes, we don't need to become men, we are best the way we are, and we need men in our lives just as they need us. So let's give some credit where it is due, and remain the ever delicate, gentle and yet strong, women.

Take care.

New book coming up!

This is  going to be a short update to let my readers know that a book is in tow. I have started working on it and if all goes well, it should be published in 2020. Keeping fingers crossed!

It is about the topic closest to my head and heart right now - and of course, it is non fiction. It is specially for all the women, and their partners/families.

Subscribe to my blog by putting up your email id on the right and submitting it, to stay updated on the book. Do let me know in the comments below what do you think the book is about? Would you be interested in reading it from the hints I have given?

Take care!

How LOVE changes YOU and how TIME changes LOVE

I think that's quite the essence of what I want to say today. Yes, I am talking about the cliched falling in love, butterflies fluttering in the stomach, waiting for hours to get a glimpse of that special someone, or hear his/her voice.

When we first fall in love, we all experience this. Well, at least most of us do! Whether we are in a relationship, or engaged to be married, somewhere there is a phase of "falling in love." What is even more interesting is the expression or confession of being in love. Those few fleeting moments that lovers wait for, what feels like ages, and when we actually confess the love we feel for each other, feels like a lifetime.

I think that positive energy stays with us for a very very long time. In those few days, no matter what happens, you're on seventh heaven, irrespective of whether you missed the bus, or your boss screamed at you, or your parents are mad at you, or a dog peed on your bike/car (yes that's quite annoying, really). So yeah, the world is all rosy, everything is sugar and spice and all things nice. (Heart heart heart)
(Okay, this IS cheesy)

And then...

Fast forward by ten years.
You're away from each other for say 25 days. Do you wish the usual Good mornings, Good nights, Love you honey, Miss you, Take care, Eat on time, I-am-so-worried-because-you-sneezed (I always found this super cheesy, even during my courtship days. No offence intended!) so on and so forth? Now you'll say, are you kidding me?! How can you be so jobless! Before you ridicule me, please rewind to your courtship days, alright? So yes, we have so much more responsibility, of the parents, of the kids, earn money, manage the house, pay the bills, buy stuff, walk the dog... Phew. It even sounds so tiring. There is no time for silly romancing. So what happened to all the love? Did it die? What do you think?

I pondered over it for a while too. And got my answer as well. It doesn't die, but love matures. Yes, your partner may not wish you good mornings and nights anymore, but leaves a silent kiss on your cheek when you fall asleep dead tired as soon as you hit the bed. When you know your partner is having a hard time, you don't ask too many questions, you give him/her their space and allow them to talk when they want to. When you know that in your absence, she will look after the elders and kids well. When you know that wherever he goes, you can trust him to belong to only you and never doubt him. When you need "me time" and he is ready to babysit the kids on his only holiday. When you are together in nurturing a family and taking up responsibilities together without cribbing about the lack of time. When you know that even when you are not talking for hours together everyday, in your heart you love and care for him and rest assured that she is safe and sound. When he knows that just because you're on a holiday with the kids, you're still on duty because being a mother is a full time job, and he appreciates it in his mind.

Time brings maturity to love, and once it comes in, you don't always need words to convey it, because you can feel it every single day.

Take care.