My fifty cents - Do you have the courage to start living?

I had started reading the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" by Mark Manson around six months ago. I do not know what made me prolong reading this book, but I couldn't find it as compelling when reading the first half. Then I downloaded the application Storytel to try audio books and continued with this book. And bam! It hit off quite well. I think this one sounded better in audio.

Anyway, I am not here to promote audio books tonight. It was quite interesting listening to the second half and I learnt a few lessons from it.

Do not live like you will never die

We live as if we are never going to die. Now this may sound quite cliched, but hey, wait a bit. Everyone says live everyday as if it were your last. I am not saying that here. I am saying, remember life is nothing, really. Death, when it comes, can come to anybody, any day, any way. So why are we afraid of failures, rejections, or trying? Life is nothing but a collection of moments, and living is just that, being alive. Why do we place so much emphasis on not making mistakes, always being right, always planning perfect, or being afraid of commitments, or saying no, or looking great, or being the best always?

Go out there, and do just what you want to do and just how you want to be. Everyone is unique, and there is no use trying to be someone else. I am not saying do not be inspired or idolize anybody. But don't regret not being the same! Focus on what you can do best and go ahead. People will criticize and condemn, but as long as you're true to yourself, nothing should matter.

Have boundaries and honesty in relationships

The second important lesson, be honest and have boundaries in your relationships. This holds true for any relationship in your life, not just romantic. There is no point in a relation if you cannot be honest with each other. You aren't doing justice to either person this way. Love cannot be superfluous. Just because X will feel hurt if you say he/she isn't looking good - so you lie that they look good, and just imagine they get to know - it's worse. This was just an example, but there could be bigger things. When you speak the truth, it maybe hard initially, and there maybe a few difficult moments, but that is that. You never have to be afraid of being caught! And you need not pretend, or remember to pretend.

Please don't go out with your friends, I feel insecure OR You are responsible for my failure OR You will not do so-and-so if you love me are all statements of - sorry to say - losers. A great relationship is only possible if you have your freedom, space and you can be who you are and not someone else to please your partner (or anybody - parents, siblings, friends). You don't need to be able to prove things always - and yes, you need to keep up the trust too. Again, if you're stuck to the wrong kind of people, when you know it, what is stopping you from getting out of such a relationship? Yes, it is hard, but then every great and right thing in life is hard to achieve. You need to make up your mind, and just to look good or prove to the world that you can have a solid relationship, it is not worth it to be miserable all your life. Take your decisions, know what you really want, and don't be afraid. There are some boundaries too in every relationship. Be clear about those. There are certain things we can never compromise upon, like being respected, or being able to decide for ourselves, and so on. Let no relationship dictate terms to you, or it will stifle you someday.

So yes, it went on a bit too long, but you get the drift? I hope this helps you. I will share more in later posts as I discover more. Tell me what you think!

Take care.

How I Gained Weight

What is so difficult about gaining weight? Just eat a lot - junk or healthy - and add to your weight. But I beg to differ!

While I write this, I stand at 52 kg and a few more grams. I have always been the slim and petite types. When I got married, I weighed around 43 kg. Everyone is slim during their wedding, what's new? I maintained an average of 45 kilos even after two children and for almost ten years post wedding. Then I started gaining weight. And how did that happen? Anti-depressants. In short, my medication for depression.

I have been gaining weight slowly over the past few months (or shall I say rapidly!). The impact of it struck me only in the past few weeks. The dresses and blouses I wore since college fitted me till I turned 32! And suddenly all the mechanics changed.

Now whenever I took a dress out to wear, it didn't fit well, and unlike before when generally most were loose, turns out now they were tight, or too tight. Not only tops, but the bottoms too! Pants, Churidars, Jeans, Trousers, heck, what DO I WEAR! I felt like

From XS, I had to move to M. One fine day, my daughter looks at my legs and tells me, mamma, you've got elephant legs! And the "well-meaning" visitors and relatives give me a lecherous look and say"You look nice now, you should maintain this weight." And I was like

You know what I mean. One of the building aunties said "See, now you know what troubles we have while getting dressed! Nothing fits or looks good." How considerate. This lesson was so important for me to know troubles faced by obese or let's say imperfectly-shaped people. Wow.

Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that I would get bulky. My BMI says my weight is perfect, of course. But then BMI cannot track your proportions or curves, so it really doesn't count for me. I also realize that the last few extra kilos are making me tired and lethargic, and reminded me that I have also been skipping my walks for whatsoever reasons.

So here I am, from being underweight, to having lot of extra fat and weight in all the wrong proportions (almost 10 kgs!), and yes mommies, I do know how it feels 😐. So I have made a new mission, of getting back in shape. My primary concern is being fit. I need to 

• walk five days a week, 8000 steps per day
• do all the relevant exercises at least for 10 minutes per day, again 5 days a week
• keep track of my weight and measurements once every week.

So here goes. If any of you are facing the same issues and want to make this your focus too, let's do it together! Comment below or tell me personally through email/message. The more, the merrier! All the best to us.

Take care.

PS: Did I tell you my doctor has reduced yet another tablet from my medication? No? Well, yes, he did. He also said I am doing very well. So another milestone crossed there!😊

~ Be careful ~

Be careful how you treat a woman
Be careful of the promises you make
Beware how you fulfil those
Because her heart is easy to break.

Be kind. Be compassionate.
Be empathetic. Be understanding.
Listen, listen, simply listen.
Just let her be, without judging.

She is already juggling with
Manifold roles and responsibilities.
That nobody knows who has placed,
Yet, she has to bear the brunt of these.

A mistake here, a taunt there,
Tiny sacrifices every other day.
Still no appreciation or praise,
Bit by bit, kills her away.

Hypocrisy, she hates the most
Say what you do, do what you say.
Big words may get you fame outside,
But what you do at home, gives you away.

So be honest, my dear friend,
With all the promises you make.
It will decide if your chosen one,
Will love you or hate.

How to manage your bills the smart way

On a busy weekday I had to visit the school to collect stationery kits. I had to carry the school fee receipts along and could not remember where I had kept them. It took ten minutes of irritation and fumbling to find the receipts in a mass of bills of clothes, groceries, milk, newspaper, and so on. This has happened multiple times and finally I made up my mind to come up with a simple way to manage these bills and small documents without getting worked up or wasting too much time.

Managing bills has been a brain racker for me since I got married and started paying them. Finally I figured out how to do it in a systematic yet quick and easy way. I will make this a quick how-to! So here goes:

1. Get yourself a simple folder with divisions (at least 8), something like the picture is very easy to use. I bought this one from Club Factory online.

2. Now take Post-it notes and start labeling them as given below:

Monthly bills - paid (which arise every month - Milk, Newspaper, Ironing, Groceries, etc.)

Monthly bills - Yet to pay (same as above)

Temporary bills (To dispose within a few days, like clothes or any small products bills, say cushions or vase or medicines, in case you need to exchange any in a short period of time)

Long term bills (With Warranty or guarantee cards, school fee receipts for the year, etc that need to be stored from 6 months to 2 years)

Tax related or To be filed (insurance, PPF receipts, bank deposit receipts, cancelled cheques etc)

Photos (passport or stamp size that we never find when we need and end up getting more and more of them. Tell me if it happens with you too!)

Miscellaneous (incoming mail, invites, empty envelopes, etc)

3. That's it you are done!

I keep this folder handy at my desk so that any time I have a bill in hand I can quickly put it in place without the hassle of thinking, searching and then keeping it in the right place. I get rid of all the temporary bills in a few weeks, and the receipts to be filed are put in place as I find time or the need arises. This way, I do not lose any important papers and find them immediately when I need them. It also helps to keep a track of all your expenses when you wonder where did your money go! (does this happen to you as well?)

Of course, you can alter the headings according to your need and add or remove sections if required. Do try this method and let me know if it works for you!

Take care!

I love my India

What do we do when people go driving at 40 kmph? Make more speedbreakers!

Yes, that’s what we do. How dare they try to go beyond their limits. Do they not understand it is difficult to build smooth roads, let alone maintain them? There are highways to drive faster, and you can always cross lanes, no? If you’re wondering what are lanes, well, let’s forget all about it.

If we keep speeding up, what will be the use of brake lights? It is important to be considerate towards all industries. Okay, sometimes autos or trucks or buses have faulty brake lights and you might just be at the verge of a big crash, but then mistakes do happen, no matter big or small.

More than once we see people coming over from the wrong side. This is what happens when you block the traffic. So what if there is traffic ahead of you, you should give wings to your vehicle or better buy a helicopter! The scooter guy honking away to glory behind you has important work to do, nevertheless you may just be loitering around.

The car driver behind the scooter has even more important work to be done. So what if he is hired as a driver for a Mercedes, it does hold huge value (the Mercedes, man!), doesn’t it? Has anyone let you drive their Mercedes, for god’s sake!

I have heard that they use horns very sparingly in other developed/developing countries. How foolish and inconsiderate! Again, how will the horns breakdown if we do not use them and how will the industry survive? It is like tobacco, see? We will put the most gruesome picture on the box, but we will not stop mass production and marketing of tobacco, because, after all, industry should survive.

In India, in fact, honking is a way of greeting (oops cursing) each other.

Aye bhai, jaldi jaa na.

 S***a beech mein khada hai na jaata hai na jaane deta hai.

Isko kuch kaam dhanda nahi lagta hai.

Signal laal hai to kya, ek second mein nikal jayenge, kiske paas time hai!

And so on. See the love? If not for the breaking speeds, honking horns, screeching brakes, would you even look at your driving counterparts on the road? No way! And here we are having a lot of mental (and often actual) conversations with them.

No wonder someone said, Ye mera India, I love my India (Amrish Puri in Pardes; so what if he gave his daughter away to an NRI in the movie).

All businesses can thrive here. From the roadside stalls to the hypermarket in the mall, from the local theatre to the multiplexes, from the cutting chaiwalas to the cool cafes, from the three BHKs to 6 by 6 feet kholis (small mud houses), all income groups, all sorts of businesses, all religions, all kinds of people, can survive in this country.

Yeah, we will still spit on the roads, throw garbage out of the balcony and urinate on the roads, but when we go abroad, mera desh mahaan! Of course, foreign countries (read developed) are cleaner, more beautiful, more strict and nice to visit and we will follow all their rules. Our country – in spite of its rich culture, beauty, traditions, people, arts – is rotten in our minds, because we the people, make it so.

So the next time you throw garbage anywhere, bribe that official to get your work done, bribe the traffic police, honk at your fellow traveller, break traffic rules, don't pay taxes or tell yourself itna to chalega (this is okay), remember, it is your country and it represents what you did to it. It is not the government, not the employees, not the corrupt officials, but just you. If I cannot change, how can I expect the country to change?

Jai Hind!

How to deal with CRITICISM?

Well, I've been slightly put off. Someone criticized me and I was like "Hey, what do you even know about me!" in my mind. Somewhere I guess that got stuck. Subconsciously I fed into my mind that maybe I am not so good at what I do.

Maybe I am taking it too far.
Maybe that person was right.
Then my sensible brain tried to pitch in, "Look, you could try to get some sense out of it and try to get better," to which my angry side responded "Get lost."

Yeah, we all have been through it sometime. Since then I have been wondering bitterly, WHY. Not about why the person condemned me, but what is the purpose of this whole thing. Of me doing what I want and why?

It took quite some reading and random screen time (no TV for me, I am addicted to Skillshare now) to ponder over it. Too much importance. We give too much importance to ourselves, Mark Manson says in his book "The Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck."

Just to think of it, whenever any incident sparks our anger or triggers us, think, will this matter five or ten years later? And you'll find your anger melting away. This also does not mean I am amazing and excellent at everything and I need no advice, or I am going to dramatically change the world by doing what I do, or become the next Prime Minister (meh!). Remember the Hindi song, Kuchh to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna (People will always say something, it is their work to talk), and I marvel at the person who wrote it (Anand Bakshi), because it holds true for time immemorial.

Cutting the long story short, as long as you believe you're doing something meaningful and like doing it, it is worth it. If you make even one person smile or change perspective in a positive way, or add meaning to their life, it is still worth it. People will talk. They will ridicule and criticize you. They may think you are worthless. But never give up. Believe in yourself. Test your limits. Test the waters. Go beyond the ordinary. Keep trying until life sucks everything out of you.

Don't bother. When you die, you will be content, you will never regret, because you TRIED. Some people spend their entire life trying to find their purpose, some constantly try to find faults with others, and some just go with the flow without ever thinking over their life. So you see, only people with purpose and passion struggle and get somewhere. People who do things differently are always criticized.

So the next time you are criticized, take it as a compliment and move on. There is more to your life than a criticism.